🌿 The Healing Power of Forgiveness
By Geoffrey W. Sutton, PhD — suttong.com
Forgiveness is one of the most profound acts of human freedom. It is the completed choice to release the urge to retaliate against someone who has offended you. This decision is deeply personal — it does not depend on the offender’s remorse or apology.
To forgive is to cancel a debt, whether that debt is financial or emotional.
When we forgive, we let go of anger, resentment, and the recurring thoughts that keep us bound to the offense.
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💫 Self Forgiveness
Self forgiveness means choosing to stop condemning ourselves for past failures. It is the moment we replace guilt and shame with compassion and acceptance — recognizing that growth often begins in the soil of our mistakes.
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✨ Divine Forgiveness
Divine forgiveness refers to the act of God or a Supreme Being forgiving wrongdoing or sin. It completely removes the debt owed by the offender and offers reconciliation and restoration. (See Frank Fincham, 2022.)
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Related Concepts in Psychology
🕊️ Forgiving as a Process
Forgiving is not instantaneous. It is a journey between deciding to forgive and achieving forgiveness. Psychologists such as Everett Worthington (2005) and Robert Enright (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015) have developed effective models to guide this process.
Worthington’s REACH model has been validated in numerous studies (evworthington forgiveness.com/research) and offers a practical path toward emotional release.
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🌱 The REACH Model of Forgiveness
R – Recall: Remember the hurt that was done to you.
E -Empathize: Try to understand the perspective of the person who wronged you.,
A – Altruism: Reflect on a time you were forgiven, then offer that gift to the person who hurt you.
C – Commit: Make a conscious decision to forgive the person who hurt you.
H – Hold On: Remind yourself that you have chosen forgiveness.
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| Worthington's Reach Model of Forgiveness |
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💬 Self Forgiveness as Process
The process of forgiving oneself parallels forgiving others. Worthington (2013) outlines a six step approach to help individuals navigate this inner journey toward peace.
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❤️ Expressed Forgiveness
Expressed forgiveness is the behavioral act of communicating forgiveness to an offender. It can support reconciliation but is distinct from the inner act of forgiving.
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🌤️ Decisional and Emotional Forgiveness
• Decisional forgiveness is the deliberate choice to forgive and release anger and resentment.
• Emotional forgiveness replaces negative emotions with empathy and compassion. Both concepts are central to Worthington’s research (evworthington forgiveness.com/research).
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Forgiving as a Personality Trait
Forgiving people have a habit of forgiving others. Sometimes this type of forgiveness is called forgivingness. Psychological scientists may also refer to this type of forgiveness as dispositional forgiveness.
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🔥 Unforgiveness and Its Burden
In psychological research, unforgiveness describes an inner state of distress following an offense — marked by anger, resentment, intrusive thoughts, and even fantasies of revenge. Left unresolved, this state can persist for years or a lifetime.
🌧️ Self Unforgiveness
Self unforgiveness (Sutton, 2026) refers to the distress we feel after personal failure — anger, guilt, shame, low self esteem, and self condemnation. These emotions can lead to self defeating behavior that hinder healing and growth.
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🤝 Reconciliation and Restoration
Reconciliation
Reconciliation is the repair of a relationship ruptured by offense. Forgiveness may or may not be part of reconciliation; for example, coworkers may collaborate effectively without forgiving each other.
Reconciling refers to a process of repairing a damaged relationship. Psychologists have written about the steps in the process of reconciliation. A key is rebuilding trust.
Restoration
Restoration refers to regaining status or integrity after wrongdoing. The restored position may differ from the original. For instance, a leader who lost employment, relationships, and reputation after an affair may rebuild their life.
Restoring is the active process of helping someone recover status or wellbeing. It may involve psychotherapy, apologies, seeking forgiveness, self forgiveness, and openness to reconciliation.
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🌻 Closing Reflection
Forgiveness is not weakness — it is wisdom. It frees the forgiver from the prison of resentment and opens the door to emotional and spiritual renewal. Whether we seek inner peace, self forgiveness, or divine forgiveness, the journey begins with one courageous decision: to let go and move forward in peace.
Learn more about forgiveness in Chapter 6 of Living Well on AMAZON.
See Also, Forgiveness Books and Reviews
Learn more about forgiveness by reading these online articles
5 Beliefs about Forgiveness - Survey Data
10 Beliefs about Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Forgiveness Quotes
Forgive? Yes. Reconcile? Maybe.
Forgiveness and Psychotherapy
Sexual Harassment, Apologies, Forgiveness, and Restoration
Self-Forgiveness
Psychology of Forgiveness and Spirituality
How Forgiveness Promotes Hope
Learn more about forgiveness in these Books
Post Author
Geoffrey W. Sutton, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Evangel University, holds a master’s degree in counseling and a PhD in psychology from the University of Missouri-Columbia. His postdoctoral work encompassed education and supervision in forensic and neuropsychology. As a licensed psychologist, he conducted clinical and neuropsychological evaluations and provided psychotherapy for patients in various settings, including schools, hospitals, and private offices. During his tenure as a professor, Dr. Sutton taught courses on psychotherapy, assessment, and research. He has authored over one hundred publications, including books, book chapters, and articles in peer-reviewed psychology journals. His website is https://suttong.com You can find Dr. Sutton's books on AMAZON and GOOGLE. Many publications are free to download at ResearchGate and Academia
References and Resources
Davis, D. E., Ho, M. Y., Griffin, B. J., Bell, C., Hook, J. N., Van Tongeren, D. R., . . . Westbrook, C. J. (2015). Forgiving the self and physical and mental health correlates: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 62, 329 –335. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/cou0000063
Davis, D. E., Ho, M. Y., Griffin, B. J., Bell, C., Hook, J. N., Van Tongeren, D. R., . . . Westbrook, C. J. (2015). Forgiving the self and physical and mental health correlates: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 62, 329 –335. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/cou0000063
Enright, R.D. & Fitzgibbons, R.P. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Fincham, F. D. (2022). Towards a psychology of divine forgiveness. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 14(4), 451–461. https://doi.org/10.1037/rel0000323
Greer, C. L., Worthington, E. L., Jr., Lin, Y., Lavelock, C. R., & Griffin, B. J. (2014). Efficacy of a self-directed forgiveness workbook for Christian victims of within-congregation offenders. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 1(3), 218-230.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/scp0000012
Fincham, F. D. (2022). Towards a psychology of divine forgiveness. Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 14(4), 451–461. https://doi.org/10.1037/rel0000323
Greer, C. L., Worthington, E. L., Jr., Lin, Y., Lavelock, C. R., & Griffin, B. J. (2014). Efficacy of a self-directed forgiveness workbook for Christian victims of within-congregation offenders. Spirituality in Clinical Practice, 1(3), 218-230.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/scp0000012
Sutton, G. W. (2010). The psychology of forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration: integrating traditional and Pentecostal theological perspectives with psychology. In M. Mittelstadt & G. W. Sutton (eds). Forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration: Multidisciplinary studies from a Pentecostal perspective. Pickwick Publications. https://wipfandstock.com/author/geoffrey-w-sutton/
Sutton, G. W. & Jordan, K. (2013). Evaluating attitudes toward clergy restoration: The psychometric properties of two scales. Pastoral Psychology, 62 (6). doi 10.1007/s11089-013-0527-7 Published online 16 March 2013. Academia Link ResearchGate
Sutton, G. W., & Thomas, E. K. (2005). Restoring Christian leaders: How conceptualizations of forgiveness and restoration can influence practice and research. American Journal of Pastoral Counseling, 8, 29-44. (The journal has been renamed, Journal of Spirituality in Mental Health.) Academia Link ResearchGate Link
Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2006). Forgiveness and reconciliation: Theory and application. New York: Brunner-Routledge.
Worthington, E.L., Jr., (2013). Moving forward: Six steps to forgiving yourself and breaking free from the past. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook.
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